October 22, 2018: The Elvira Gulch Fan Club
- There are at least two separate fringe Christian fundamentalist religious groups who call southern Indiana home.
- The women all dress in long skirts or dresses, grow their hair long, and pile it up in a bigass bun.
- They remind me of Elvira Gulch from The Wizard of Oz.
- I see them in the grocery store all the time. Like, literally, I can’t go to the grocery store without seeing them.
- There’s one that lives down the street from me. I said hello to her once while I was jogging. She wailed something like: “Ohhh, WELL…” and smiled and giggled. It was an anxious smile, I think. An anxious giggle.
- Last Halloween, as I was giving out candy to the neighborhood kids, a religious fanatic came up to the house. I didn’t know she was a religious fanatic, at first, because she didn’t look like Elvira Gulch.
- She was alone and walked up on my porch. I thought she had a kid behind her, a few steps back. But she didn’t. I was confused, but was about to offer her some candy. She declined.
- She said she wanted to give me something.
- It was a Chick tract.
- I have a collection of all the unsolicited religious stuff that I’ve been given. (Most of it arriving via mail, but some of it handed to me face-to-face, like in the case of the stick-in-the-mud I just told you about.)
- I’ve been given tracts twice by a dude hanging out around the post office.
- It doesn’t happen all the time, of course. Maybe just once a year or so.
- But it’s still intrusive. From now on, I plan on telling them that I’ll read their pamphlet if they read something I’ve written.
- Or maybe I’ll ask them where they live so I can bug them at their home and try to get them to buy one of my books.
- I probably wouldn’t sell any books that way, but it would be fun.