Looks Inz Me Eyes, If Yuuuz Dare!
Hawlo:
Me name Mr. Pickles. Me cat hanging crashing for last year at Nicole Cushing’s house. Nicole Cushing gets to sit in chair and eat food on table. Me get dry, kibble “food” in bowl on floor. Me not ‘llowed on table.
That okay. Me psychic! Me know that rule not last forever.
You doubt? (I know you doubt me psychic cuz Ize psychic). Ize prove to you Ize psychic. Here some premenstrualitions.
Premenstrualition #1: Ize, Mr. Pickles, Felinez Psychic, hereby predicct that there is…(waitz, I getting energies…energies tell Mr. Pickles future…quiet pleez)…somewhere, Ize see it…it United States…somewherez in United States, there iz a genre writerz organization wiff a lot of drama. I seez it. Peopulz mad wiff each udder.
That Premenstrualition #1.
Whut? You sez “no beeg deal,” “happens alwayz,” “pretty vague.”
Well effew, Ize psychic! I cantz helps if energies vague or tell Pickles things that no beeg deal!
"Effew! Ize Psychic!"
Premenstrualition #2: Ize, Mr. Pickles, Felinez Psychic, hereby predicct that…(oh, Ize getting it now…Important Energies giving Mr. Pickles Enlighttenned Messuge)…somewhere…in zee hor-roar small press zhere is…*shh*…LISTEN…you moost leeezen when Pickles give Premenstrualitions! In hor-roar zee small press, thar eez markit — magazeen or antholoogie that start oop dis year but go under be4 Dezimber !
Behold: the magesti of the Exhalt Ted Energy-Messters!
Whut?? You sez…”Kitty!!!…every year hor-roar smoll press markits tank.” You sez, “Much of smoll hor-roar press more in news for for tanking den publishhink!” Well effew, Ize psychic! Dis beeg news. At leest to Energie-Masters.
Now iz time 4 me finalz Premenstrualition of dis week…
Premenstrualition #3: Ize, Mr. Pickles, Fee-lines Psykick, hereby predict that…(Energie-Messters so strong now…dis the most sirten Premenstrualition of oll!)…Dey say…among oll smoll press hor-roar books, dere will be one book wiff meny, meny typograffick errors!
Luk upon my wonderz, Mortals, end fear the Mighty Pickles and his bwain-the-size-of-whalnut!
Whutt?? You sez, “Kitty! Why u cair ’bout typos. You meke beegger mess on Nicole Cushing’s blog den in litter pan!”
Well effew, Ize psychic! Ize not writer like Nicole Cushing. Ize do best Ize can wiff smoll pawz wiff claws. Ize serve as vessel for knowligg of Energie Messters. Ize not editur.
Butz mebbe Ize needz one.
Mr. Pickles would like everyone to know that he is willing to consult the Energy Masters on your behalf. Ask him to predict just about anything in the future, and he’ll give it his best shot. Just ask your question in the “comments” section of this blog entry. Honestly, looking at his three “Premenstrualitions” from today, I think he’s onto something. — N.C.
